www.bharatjhurani.com


BRAToSPHERE - EVERYTHIN' LIES WITHIN!!

THE WEB NOW HAS A NEW IDENTITY!!!

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Life of TARGET

Its now been about three months selling chocolates, and it has just been getting better with every passing day. I have started enjoying sales, what with your daily report card right in front of your eyes every evening.

Chasing numbers of different kinds – Value, volume, coverage, efficiency, productivity and then scheme related targets. These were the lower limit numbers – something that you have to reach. More famously known as TARGETS.

There is another type of number called SLAB, defining the upper limit you can reach. A scheme is always budgeted and under no circumstances is one supposed to exceed them.

After the long mad chase for these numbers called TARGET, I am left wondering what exactly would be the biography of this thing called “Target”.

My humble attempt in profiling this divine phenomena – TARGET. Lets listen to it from the devil’s mouth itself.

My Name is TARGET
Imaginary, Multiple, Worldwide

About Me

Birthday– 1st April/ Every month at some places/ Every week at some other places. As we go lower down the hierarchy I could also be born every single morning.

Location

Arbitrary documents, Excel Sheets, Bosses / Employee’s Brains
Relationship Status- Impossible.

Here for

Sadistic Pleasures, or the kick! The way you take me.

First thing you will notice

I am too far, ever!

Introduction

Hello everyone my name is TARGET.
I exist in various forms across the globe. The biggest bosses in companies and corporate create me to continue their reign. I am thrust upon their subordinates who in turn do the same. I am the source of power for superiors at every level.

I get split into parts when I am thrust down the food chain.

Biggest Boss (1) --> Bigger Boss (3, 4)--> Big Boss (a few)....-->Employee (too many)
(Employee is the last node with no subordinate)

If someone gets too close to me, I am given a boost by the immediate superior.

HaHaHa (sarcastic smile) and I get away again. Yeah sometimes, like it happened to Bharat Jhurani last time, getting too close to me before my expiry could also mean danger. Bharat got too close to me on the 25th itself, and thought he has done a great deal. His boss praises him, showers him with all accolades, and then stretches me, to make me elusive again. The next month onwards, Bharat Jhurani always gets a big version of me!

Family

There are some close relatives of mine who never show up if I am not present.

Namely promotion and raise are my loved cousins. We are so close that they do not go anywhere without me. But they are considered socially awkward by the evil “humor recourse” people. So these people try to keep me away so that my cousins automatically don’t show up.

About Me Again

I enjoy a lot during my life. I see people slog to get me…oh I am so desirable :)
But my lifespan is too short; whether someone gets me or not I will die soon.
And I even know when I will die.

My Favorite tagline

CATCH ME IF YOU CAN

Personal Advice

Do try to get me but don’t waste your life for me, coz I have multiple lives.
I will be born again with renewed strength and you will be the same, even more exhausted.

But what the heck I enjoy my life you too do :)

This is me – TARGET, and all the best catching up with me!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

perfect weekend - good end

I am sure by now you have all been following the story of the perfect weekend - I and II, and it is time now to announce the end of the wonderful weekend.

Continuing from the terrace, where me and P spent long hours extending well into the night, we get back.

Sunday morning. As usual we wake up pretty late, and we go out to the same small tea shop to have breakfast. She said she kinda likes the place after thronging the CCDs and the Brasitas of the world, that small shack really felt at home. More in India. Oh! I so like this girl. Se has no airs at all.

It typically happens, fresh into a relationship. You keep thinking and analysing different things. She likes this. She does not like this. With these small observations you would try making a mental picture of her inner mind.

After getting back home after breakfast, we plan to get away soon to catch up a movie. She had her train at 10PM. Damn!

But then we decide otherwise, and come to a common consensus (a rarity with the opposite gender) that the room is a better, more private place.

After spending lots of time doing nothing, but just staring at each other and talking random, we finally decide it is time to get ready if we want to watch the movie. We get ready and head straight to CP – my favourite hangout.

We reach CP right in time for the movie, and she agrees for Quick Gun Murugun after a lot of persuading. I like her. We have our lunch in the PVR itself. The movie was a laugh riot.

After the movie, I met Puneet on the road there walking out of castle 9. He was there with his friends. Me and P then head to Knights to have a late lunch, or rather early dinner. Beer it had to be. I love this girl. Come on, she loves beer!

We then get this crazy idea. My first proper meet with her was here at CP a week back, and we decide, “lets re-create it!”. Lets again go to the same places and relive those precious moments.

We then go to KFC to fill our stomachs with some actual food, rather than just beer and stuff. By the way, P also loves prawns and insisted for some at Knights. Wah! One more match. I am so much in love with this girl. Beer and Prawns, what better can one ask for?

After KFC, and she calling home and all, we also go to the CCD outlet. We were in no mood for a coffee, or anything for that matter. Also, it was already 9:15PM, and her train was about to depart in 45 minutes.

But then, we had to relive those moments. CCD is the place where we first met, and we had to go there. The same outlet. We have tea there, and run for an auto.

I drop her to the station, to send her off. That was an emotional send off. She was occupied with the reality that we would not be meeting for long now. She was going across the seven seas next week, and I would be leaving Delhi soon for my next stint.

I was more occupied thinking about my sleep. I had to go to office tomorrow. Her train starts moving, and I plant a kiss on her cheek and we hug each other. She leaves.

I manage to get back home in an autorickshaw. I reach home at about 11:15.

Well, 45 more minutes. The weekend is not yet over guys!

At home, Puneet is drinking with his friends – the same ones we met at CP. I join them, with some beer.

At about 11:45, we are done with all alcohol, and Abhinav too was back after the L reunion meet.

We all have a con call, and then i go to sleep. A very well spent weekend I was just thinking. And also, I have to sleep well, I have office tomorrow and it has to be a big day!

Puneet runs towards my room. “Dude, that guy is puking. What do we do of him?

Ha ha! The room is all messed up and stinking, and no amount of AXE spray helps.

yaar, tereko pata hoga ulti karne walo ko kaise handle karein”, puneet tells me.

Make him eat a lemon, or some water. It get him hydrated”, I reply.

Chill dude, just leave the guy. Let him extract the full out of his puke”, abhinav says with a definite assertiveness.

We all collectively agree that nothing much can be done. Let the other guy, who has no clue with the happenings, be there sleeping dead like he is on Pot.

The puking guy was left to his own peril. He was too heavy to be even budged from his own puke.

Puneet sleeps in the couch. TB is in my room, and the slosh guy is lost in his own puke!

Ha ha! Perfect ending to an amazing weekend! Looking for more!!!

This series of the perfect weekend was inspired by real people and real events, but to maintain the interest of the reader (you!) it has been converted to a work of pure fiction adding the necessary masala and curry wherever the tone went bland!

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

Perfect Weekend - II

After the wonderful response on the beginning of the perfect weekend, and the complete approval of the rest of the post, here i am with the continuation.

Continuing from the previous post, where I left you all eating at comesum at 3:30 in the morning. My friends then thought of getting back home, though I suggested staying over for some more time and then going to the new delhi station directly from there. (Why?)

We get back home at about 4AM, and then after a quick conference call, we retire to the bed. Doc was really sleepy and so were all of us. Me and puneet were woken up from sleep a couple of hours back for Comesum

At about 7AM, I get a call on my phone and I lazily answer it. “Hello.. I have reached the station. Are you there?”, the voice on the other side screams.

Huh! Oh okay, babes I am so sorry", Damn the alarm clock.

"Can you please come down on your own?”

She replies, “ Cool, no issues”, with a very obvious disappointed tone.

I sleep for some more time, and then again get a call.

Hi, I am at the gurudwara!”, the same voice.

Ah! Oh.. I.. I.. I am on my way. See you there in two minutes”.

Saying this, I quickly grab hold of my brush and finish shining my teeth. It was more to get over the smell of the cigarettes and masala dosa we had at comesum early in the morning.

Trying to hold my tracks ,I run down to the nearby gurudwara.

Hi baby, missed you so much.”, and I plant a kiss. It did not really impress her.

She was already walking towards the house when I pick her up. Visibly angry that I did not come to the station and then again for the long time I took in coming down here to lead the way home from the gurudwara.

One more kiss. Hope this gets her out of her angry mood.

The real reason that got me late to the gurudwara was not the brushing, but waking up Doc. He was sleeping in my room, and I had to clear him before getting P. Seriously, that was tough and time consuming.

Before entering the house with her, I peeped into my room to ensure the fatso was gone. He was still in there!!! I had to make her wait in the balcony, get this lazy bum out of my room to the couch in the dining room, and then get her to the room.

Lots of kisses, hugs and sweet talk later, we realize that we are hungry. This was like at about 10AM. It took us one more hour, and many more kisses and “ I love you.. I miss you” stuff, to realise we had to get up to be in time for the breakfast.

At about 11, we finally get up from the bed, still not tired of the kisses. We lazily walk down the road, crossing the gurudwara to the tea point at sharmaji's.

After a sumptuous bread omelette and tea, we walk back home. Even doc, who was sitting idle in the living room all this time, getting bored and trying hard to read a book lying there, joined us for breakfast. He is good company, and is a thorough gentleman with girls around. That much credit I give him. But then so am I! remember Doc, that night at QBA.

Doc asks me if I could stay out of the room for sometime, as he wanted to get ready, and I had to agree. I spent some good time in the balcony with P, reading newspapers, and talking about the wonderful view of the balcony, overlooking the garden. Dreams flew by, and so did talks, that we nearly ended up living in bungalow with a huge balcony. We just designed our future home in great detail.

Doc was done, and he was going to meet his grad friends. We bid him a good bye, and got back to our own little sweet, non-ac room. The other room mates were still all sleeping dead, with their ac ON!

Again after idling for long and chatting, at about 2 we decided to go out for lunch, and after further lethargy we got up from the bed. Not before I got kissed a good three times! (This was the bribe to get me off the bed!)

We went down to SAKET, the closest hang out place from our home, and were thinking of watching a movie. She was more enthu for kaminey.. while I wanted to watch Quick Gun murugun. We finally zeroed in on LAK. The show was at 5:30PM, and it was still only 3, so we though of having good lunch.

We entered this awesome british restaurant at SAKET, where a single pint of beer costed Rs.250/-. Shit expensive. Well, I had just got my salary a couple of days back, and it was an impressive six figure. I was in total mood for indulgence. We indulged.

A beer each please. Carlsberg”, I directed the fake smile faced chinese waitress.

Wow! This was turning out be like the best lunch date. I am out with a beautiful girl, and she loves beer. She also loved the prawns. Wow! A complete match.

At about 4 something, one pint beer down, we get mischievous. She heads towards the rest room, and we take full advantage of the isolated common area between the men’s and women’s washroom. Amazing! I had just seen it happening in films.

After that, I had one more beer, and she decides that she would just take a sip or two from mine. She was not that used to beer apparently. In the bill, we realize that happy hours are on, and we are entitled to one more beer due to the one plus one offer on. Beer anyday, so I go for one more beer, while her highness just stares at me. She had now shed her inhibhitions and after sitting long on the opposite chair, decides that it is better if she sits closer, right next to me. this way she can talk better is what she claimed! I believe otherwise though.

Probably one of the best luncheons I have ever had.

We then head to the auditorium and watch the movie. Corner seats.

After the movie, we were again on this decisive mode. One more movie, or home? She decides home it is, where we could have a romantic evening together. Anything for you ma’am!

We head straight to home, and change. We then set off again, to get some beer. Yes, she has now developed a taste for it. My roomies ask if I can get them some beer too, but then their order size was way too much to carry. One full case!

Me and P, head to the local theka, get three bottles of beer and then head to Café Coffee Day. CCD has a prominent place in our relationship. Our first date was at one of the many CCD outlets here in Delhi.

After spending some quality time there, me ogling at the beauty of delhi girls. (psst. There were two very good looking (read Supermodel type) girls sitting opposite to our table!)

We head back home, and order for Domino’s pizza and their newly launched pasta for dinner. Perfect romantic setting it has to be.

The pizzas arrive in sometime, while we were catching up with the 4th season of HIMYM on my lappy. She goes to the restroom for a minute, and I take this opportunity to have the perfect setting.

After a quick clean up of the room – clearing the newspapers and books, getting the bed clean, and arranging the laptop in a comfortable place. I then light a candle that I had bought earlier that week, and switch off the lights.

She is in for a huge shock. Obviously!

Dark room. Candle lights. Pizza and pasta with beer, and a super hot guy (Me! ). She was visibly impressed and gave me a tight hug.

All this for me?”, she whispers, nearly in tears.

yes darling!”, and I get a tighter hug.

After sometime out of the pleasant surprise and the hug, we settle down to have dinner and the beer.

What a pleasant time that was – everything was perfect. To add on, she was not like the other girls who always minded beer! (girls please, beer is much more better than vodka!)

After dinner, we head to the terrace which was my second plan. One more romantic setting. I just had this one night, so I had to get in everything fitted in right then.

Alas! I could not get the time to arrange anything up there at the terrace, but the moonlight did the magic.

With beer in my hand, and P in my arms, it was a wonderful feeling altogether. So now, if you my dear reader would please allow. i would like to spend some private time with my dream.

to be continued..

Tuesday, October 06, 2009

Snippets

idle browsing through the internet prompted me to start this. Small snippets of the interesting (to me!) happenings in and around out little world.

Sorry if most of these are marketing related events, but can't help. You can't expect a chocolate salesman to write about Rocket launches and underground sewage system right!

What next?

Lazy people, and insomniacs demand an apology from karan johar. The movie’s title has hurt their sentiments. Why should someone force me to wake up. This is a free country, and I have all the right to keep sleeping, with anyone er! I mean anytime.

Two months here in delhi has made me literally fall in love with the city. Everything out here is amazing. Especially the food. There are so many eateries, offering a wide range of options to satisfy every pocket. In fact, my favourite part in MINT is their weekend mid page where they have a tie up with TIME OUT, listing all the happenings in the metro. The food section there gets the most time share.

One more addition to the same is PlanForMe.com, a one-stop solution for all planning needs related to the food and hospitality industry, with its new print avatar of the website, in the form of a magazine called Food and Nightlife.

It is being positioned as a Delhi-centric magazine. With a cover price of Rs 30, the 60-page magazine will have an initial print run of 50,000 copies. Editorial content will form 70 per cent of the pages, while the remaining 30 per cent will be advertisements.

An the best part, By the end of this financial year, PlanForMe will be operational in Mumbai and Pune. By 2010, the company hopes to expand its reach to all the metros.

Though I am not all that a big foodie, who does not like good food?

Coming to the basic needs of life - mobile phones. no hello! it is no more the luxury it was a couple of years back. Now everyone holds a mobile. infact, a recent article in ET states that many indians actually have more than a single connection. trust india on extracting the maximum of schemes. i work for an MNC, selling chocoltes, and deal with distributors and retailers on a daily basis. trust me, even a 1% scheme, which might ammount to less than a few hundreds in a transaction of about a lakh matters a lot.

Anyways, coming back to the core issue - mobile phones. How many of you feel you are addicted to your mobile?. 99 out of 100 would refuse and claim that it is just another thing. But well, I firmly believe that 99 of 100 are actually addicted! Okay. Debatable.

Okay, chuck that. How many of you actually sleep with the mobile phone next to you?. A vast majority I am sure. A study says, “more than four in 10 Americans say they “can’t live” without their mobile phone and and nearly half sleep with it nearby”, according to a global mobile-phone survey from Synovate, which found that cellphones are increasingly becoming consumers’ “remote controls for life.”

This issue is something I have been working on for the past couple of months. Diwali gifting.

With the festive season well underway, people are gradually loosening their purse strings. Freebies, gift packs, discounts – FMCG players have pulled out all stops to attract customers. Coca-Cola, Pepsi, Dabur and Parle are some players that have come up with attractive schemes as in the previous years. All major players are eyeing 25-30 per cent growth in sales during the festive season. And well, my company is aiming much more than that. A never before seen spectacle.

Coca-Cola with its ‘Coca-Cola Khushiyan Replay’ consumer promotion campaign, a computer generated lucky draw would provide consumers with a chance to win Camcorders every hour for the next 40 days

Not to be left behind, PepsiCo India has come up with no less than eight different kinds of beverage gift packs consisting of its brands – Pepsi, 7Up, Mirinda and Tropicana, along with gift packs of snacks brands like Kurkure, Lays and Leher Namkeen. Damn! Direct competition. “Chitta, yeh teri boundary hai.. aur yeh meri. Mere area mein aake maal mat bechna!”
Can Dabur remain far? They have started selling gift packs with health as the selling point. Along with the real juice packs, the ‘Gift of good living’ – a container consisting Chyawanprash, Honey and Squeezy Honey would try to further the basic brand appeal – health.

Parle is also participating in the race, giving away free gift packs of Hide & Seek, Milano and assorted biscuits.

And who creates this category? Who shifts the consumer from the traditiona mithai and the dry fruits gifting of Diwali? more on that soon.

Last summer, during my stay at home, I was filled with nostalgia when I spoted a young cousin of mine reading the latest issue of Tinkle. I, like many of my age, have grown with Tinkle, chacha choudhary and the likes. And now Suppandi – the funny simpleton character from the magazine, is set to jump out from comic strips to the silver screen. ACK Media is producing a stereoscopic three-dimensional animation film, with Suppandi as the main character. The film would hit cinema halls in November 2010.

So these are small random items to keep you occupied before you read the rest of my weekend. I have already written it, and it has gone seven seas across for proof reading and editing. Will post it once it is approved!

Monday, October 05, 2009

Wake Up Sid - Movie Review

Last weekend once agin was an extended weekend – thank you bapu. So me along with my roomies decided to watch Wake up Sid. Now I realize it has been really long that I have actually reviewed a movie. Not that I have not seen any. The last three months I have seen the maximum number of movie, if the number of movie/ week is calculated for any period of my life. Huh! An MBA makes you this.

now the review.. (chuck the globe, i care a damn about your movie outings!)

This movie is different from other karan johar ventures. It takes inspiration from Dil Chahta hai, Rock on and the types. It is about the today’s world. Today’s youth. Today’s generation and their problems.

It is about a coming of age we all go through. It’s a film that instantly strikes a chord because it’s full of snapshots from our own lives.

Sid is a grown-up kid, not a “man”, as he is often told by his good friend Aisha. Sid is a rich, lazy, unmotivated slacker from Mumbai. Between the kid and the man lies the struggle to find one’s identity, a struggle to figure out what is it that one wants to do in life.

When college days are over, it’s time to think beyond i-pods, parties, get-togethers and to chalk out a career. “But why?” He can, because he’s got a rich dad who even tries to lure him into his business with the promise of a latest Porsche as a gift. And the next thing you see is Sid sprawled on a chair in his dad’s office, munching on a pizza and yapping on his cell. A grown-up kid not willing to wake up to the altered reality around him.


When Sid flunks his college exam (and it feels terrible trust me!) he finds himself in a tight spot. Tired of being taunted by his parents, he leaves his home and moves in with his best buddy Aisha, who’s come to Mumbai to be “independent”. There, living with Aisha , Sid is confronted by his harsh reality. He can’t cook for his life. He doesn’t have a job. His credit card is blocked. And on top of it all, he finds that he’s carried the disorder of his own life into Aisha’s. It’s time to wake up. “ hello good morning”.

one can karan for those high rise moments which would draw a person to the theatre. For instance, that scene when Sid is photographing a mother cuddling up her kid. In a flash Sid becomes aware of his own love for his mother

Wake Up Sid is a light hearted movie that will make you smile. Full credit goes to Ranbir Kapoor and Konkana Sen Sharma's flawless acting. Ranbir spellbinds you with an endearing act like his expression by using his eyes, his voice, his oddly-pitched laugh and the tiniest of tics to make a flesh-and-blood character out of Sid.